the perfect storm.

I guess I’m just sort of lost about all of this. It honestly came so unexpected. I saw it coming, but not this soon. Everyone told me you would be back and I didn’t believe them. And that helped me to move on; to believe that you wouldn’t come back. But honestly, all along deep down, I knew you would eventually; though I didn’t want it to be this soon.
I’m so lost about it all though, honestly. I don’t know what to do. I am, I’m half moved on. I’ve realized that it’s possible without you. I’ve realized that I don’t need you to function, I don’t need to have you with me, I can make it without you. That’s something I’ve come to realize. I’ve made myself to be like that. I’ve started a different life, started over, because I honestly thought you were gone forever. Or that by the time you would figure everything out, I would be long gone.
I’m so awestruck that you’ve done this. It’s not like you, you’re typically a very stubborn person. And this is different.
I didn’t want to lose you. I still don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you gone. But at the same time, I’ve convinced myself of several things to make me not hurt anymore. And I have to look past those and put myself back out to be vulnerable to you again.
You tore me apart. I’ve never been such a mess. I talked to Adri about it today and she has been so amazing throughout it all. All of my friends have been. And she looked at me and said, “you need to make sure this is what you really want. Because he hurt you. You begged him. Begged him for a week or two and he turned the other cheek.” And then later today she told me that no matter what my decision was, no one would judge me, that she would still love me just the same :)
I’m so confused. I want to talk to you all the time now. You just have that affect. I never wanted to get off of the phone with you last night. I really didn’t. And I just want to talk to you today. I want you…. In the worst way.
But what is that going to do. It just makes me more defenseless to you. It honestly sucks.

I don’t know what to do anymore.
You’ve taken my by storm.







it just hurts.