I've finally found a new template and will be rolling out a brand new look and updated content to my blog by the end of this week.

I've decided that since Memorial Day is the start of summer, it would also signify the start of a new blog, new goals, new times to wake up, new and better habits and kicking old ones out. This also means a lot of frustration and potential failure is ahead, as well as potential in general.

Should be fun. Sort of. Most of the time : )

Re-vamp

Okay, I've decided to take a new approach to my blog. I'll be back on hiatus for a bit. I realize I've just returned from an extremely long break, but I would really love to completely put a new face on my blog and reconstruct my content a bit, throw in some more fashion, clothes, makeup, books, movies, etc. I've realized the majority of my pintrest page consists of that, rather than what I've been writing about currently, so this only makes sense. Of course I will throw in the typical old "lists" and "lyrics" as needed : )

bbl.

; )

beautiful.

Beyonce 'Pretty Hurts' from Swell Music + Sound on Vimeo.

&true.

A beautiful analogy

I went to church for the first time in many months yesterday. My husband was out at work so I went by myself, sometimes it feels good to just go and be vulnerable, exposed, and bare with God.
The pastor's sermon discussed how when we go out we represent our family, or church family, our God and that all of our actions, sayings, doings, everything, is a direct reflection.
He had a beautiful analogy that I wish more people would understand and take into consideration.

You’re not like everybody else. They have futile thinking. What’s futile mean? Futile means without point, without purpose, without God in people’s lives, our thinking is futile. It is without meaning. If there is no purpose, no end goal, like a tight rope walker. If you can imagine they’re getting ready to step out on the tight rope and one of the set crew comes up there and he says “Hey before you go out there just want you to know we didn’t secure that other end of the line. And by the way, we didn’t really secure this end of the line either. But hey go out and entertain those people.”

Now how crazy would that be how futile that would be probably fatal too.

But what do we do to you young people we say “Hey you know what there’s no god, so after you die there’s just nothing, so there’s really no security over there. And you know what where you came from it’s just big bang and we’ll probably figure it out someday but there’s really no god so. Just go on out there and enjoy your life.”

That’s why so many young people are depressed and apathetic because there’s nothing on either end securing us and why so many people are escaping into alcohol or entertainment. We are trying to numb the pain of this world that seems so meaningless and pointless and futile. And where do most of us and many of us escape into?

(21:12-23:01)

remember...

a reblog that is more than appropriate right now.



He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane, i am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
when all of a sudden,
i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and i realize just how beautiful you are,
and how great your affections are for me.

and oh, how He loves us so,
oh how He loves us,
how He loves us so

yeah, He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves.

yeah, He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves.

we are his portion and He is our prize,
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes,
if grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
so heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
i don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
when i think about, the way…

He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh how He loves.

yeah, He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves us,
oh, how He loves.

Prayers for a friend and her family and friends are more than appreciated right now...

My Playlist for you, dear friend...

1. “Times” tenth avenue north
2. “the journey” mpulz
3. “what makes you different” bsb
4. “hold on” bwitched
5. “beautiful” Christina agulaira
6. “I will survive”
7. “dare you to move”
8. “eye of the tiger”
9. “beautiful day” U2
10. “somewhere over the rainbow” 
11. “hands” jewel
12. “stand” rascal flats
13. “healer” kari jobe
14. “how he loves us” john marc mcmillian
15. “by your side” tenth avenue north
16. “you never let go” matt redman
17. “little wonders” rob thomas

I don't even have words right now for anything. 

a funny : )

I miss the sun...

QOD

Marriage is terrifying, like flying. You’re feeling this mortal dread but if you find someone you feel safe with, it’s like flying. But if you have someone who is really there for you, someone you can really depend on, you’re gonna be fine. Do you have someone like that?

Yes, I do. 

How I Met Your Mother

reminiscing.

my favorite sequence of photos from the wedding : )

Honestly though, 

it could replay in my mind a thousand times 

and it would be just as lovely as the first time.

all photos by StudioBree

Thoughts

Part of college is growing up. Part of post-college is growing up and into who you are. and post-college, I'm beginning to realize I don't know what I want.

Here I am, the girl who has had the same goal her whole life, has allowed nothing to stand in her way, has done nothing but fight hard to achieve this goal, and here I am, on the brink of working towards this goal and taking the next big step and I'm doubting it.

It's something I've honestly been struggling with for a long time. I know a lot of this struggle is knowing how many other things I want to do with my life... and I understand that it is possible, especially in this day and age, to accomplish so many larger than life goals, but some of my goals are so larger than life, I am worried I have to prioritize to do just a few instead of so many.

Part of my problem is that I have always been so many steps ahead of my actual age, or at least that's how I label it. When I was in high school, I was mature enough and ready for college. When I was in college, I was mature enough and ready for grown up life (or premature grown up life), and now that I'm in (premature) grown up life, I'm ready to be in real grown up life (hopefully this all makes sense... it does in my head).

I don't think I am ready to prioritize a set of goals yet, I just know what so so many of those goals are. So instead of placing a bunch of pressure on myself to pick out my favorites, I'm going to just list them, pray about it, and let it come as it may. So prayers for my acceptance and wisdom to realize what these intended goals are would be beyond greatly appreciated.

• write a novel. or two. or a series. AKA multiple published works
•  become a doctor, ultimately an ophthalmologist but I am becoming more open to just doctor in general...
• travel the world
• Italy (anywhere and everywhere)
• Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
• London, England
• Greece (anywhere and everywhere)
• Hawaii
• Alaska (in the summer ONLY)
• Germany (not sure where... just there)
• Morocco
• Australia
• Belize
• Cabo San Lucas
• The Great Wall, China
• Thailand
• New Zealand
• Bora Bora
• and so so sooo many more. 
• Run a marathon, and eventually qualify and run Boston
• Fly across the country for New Years Eve and hit every time zone's New Year's 
• Start and maintain a fashion blog
• Rescue multiple dogs from shelters
• Continue to play soccer, or coach, or something.
• Travel somewhere that needs my time and volunteering and help more than anything I could do here
• own a pair of Christian Louboutins (so materialistic, yes. I'm sorry, I'm human. My second calling would be clothes sooo...)

I know I initially need to set some short term goals before achieving these long term, ultimate goals. So I have decided to write a list of those as well. I think putting these out on pen and paper can help them become more realistic. 

• Finish my Master's program at MSU
• Exercise 6x/week 
• Spend money more wisely
• Update my wardrobe : ) 
• Keep up with my blog more regularly 

I feel like these can ultimately lead to so many of the above listed goals so that I can be better prepared for them. 

Mostly, I need to pray. and I need prayer. because this is something I've been wrestling with for too, too long. 

this is a lovely song and a lovely video

  

Beyonce - "Heaven" from Jackson Hunt on Vimeo.

by your side

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

why are you striving these days
why are you trying to earn grace
why are you crying
let me lift up your face
just don't turn away 

why are you looking for love
why are you still searching
as if i'm not enough
to where will you go child
tell me where will you run
to where will you run

'cause i'll be by your side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you

look at these hands at my side
they swallowed the grave on that night
when i drank the world's sin
so i could carry you in
and give you life 
i want to give you life

and i'll be by your side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you

here at my side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you 

'cause i, i love you
i want you to know
that i, yeah i'll love you
i'll never let you go, no, no

and i'll be by your side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you

here at my side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you 
here at my side, my hands are holding you