past vs present

So I will begin with the fact that I was ridculously bored today. I woke up to a snow day (Hallelujah), went back to bed, had bad dreams, went back to bed, and finally woke up at 10:30. Got up, lazed around, took a shower, and started cleaning my room. And when I say cleaning my room, I mean cleaning. my. room. That sucker got dusted, swept, moved around, the works. And I'm not gonna lie, it looks much much better :) I guess I understand why my mother always asks me to clean it :)
Anyways..
After that, I went for a run. Two miles, 22:05. Yes, I ran two miles in twenty-two minutes. And I am feeling the pain. I stretched twice today ... BEFORE I ran and then once afterwards. I'm not supposed to be sore. But whatever, I welcome it with open arms. I miss the days of running five miles and not looking forward to practice and then feeling so satisfied when you're done. It's true, you get high off of running. So then I came home, showered, talked to my mom for a bit, and we all went tanning. Took about ten minutes since we all are only in the beds for less than eight. Came home, had dinner, watched Meet The Parents ... and here I am.

I am dreading going to bed. I hate it now. The nights are the hardest, it's true. But sometimes I just cry until it hurts, cry until I can't keep my eyes open, and then fall asleep in two seconds. But when I sleep, I tend to dream and they might be a great dream at first, but I always wake up. And then I begin a new dream, and in order to make up for that great dream, the following one is typically a not-so-great dream. So now, I hate going to sleep. I used to wake up a bit differently. Now I wake up just how I go to bed.

Tonight I got bored, because I'm trying to avoid going to sleep :P and I stumbled across some old things from about two years ago. Wow, they were definately interesting. I found my old MSNspace with all of my Quote of the Days (best thing I ever did) and old blogs. And then I found a link to my two oldest blogs ... all the way back from freshman year if I wanted to go back far enough. So I skimmed the last twenty and it's interesting. I stopped writing in one the day after a bad spell with Will ... the last time with Will ... the end of Will ... and the beginning of David. It's odd to see how I used to talk, act, feel about things. Little things that I dont' really remember. It also brings back a lot of memories that are both good and bad. I had to chuckle at some of the Quote of the Days because I rememeber them happening. I also did a list of confessions and random things about my life back then and those are the same way, either really funny, or somewhat painful.

All I know is..
is that I'm slowly getting there.
Unwillingly.