some things you ought to know.. and then some :)

A little bit more about me..
maybe too much,
but who cares anymore, right? :)

[second chances don't come easy]
[food is not an option in my life; it's mandatory]
[it's not a date unless they pay for everything] note: talk to rob.
[the first thing i'm investing in when I get older: a hot tub]
[I don't know what I would do without my friends]
[I'm afraid of more than just heights]
[I'm a tough muffin; tough on the outside, but soft deep down]
[but i tend to act tougher than what I really am]
[I have doubts too]


now for the then some..

I miss certain aspects of what my life was previously; things that I grew accustomed to and somewhat took for granted. There's specifics of course which I don't want to reveal on a silly online blog, but there are more generalized changes that can be left for open thinking and assumptions. But there are a few specifics I would like to point out that are broken down into different generalized ones as well.
A previous aspect that I'm certainly missing is the feeling of a relationship and everything that comes along with it. The whole idea of having someone there, to call when you need them, to listen to, to tell everything to; I remember when I first became single that everytime something happened, I found myself thinking about how I was going to call and tell my ex boyfriend about it, but then reality hit like a brick and I recalled that I no longer had a boyfriend. Boyfriends are a bit of a luxary, a way to spoil yourself. I believe boyfriends can be viewed in a selfish way and an unselfish way. Selfish in the sense that you want someone to be completely and hopelessly devoted to you and only you, yet unselfish because you want, are expected, and must be completely and hopelessly devoted to someone else. Being in a relationship has its perks; yes you get to spend Valentine's Day with someone else, you go on dinner dates, hold hands in public, and call each other embarressing yet cute pet names ... okay maybe not but hypothetically. Being in a relationship also has its downfalls; you are a bit more restricted from friends just because you're so focused on your relationship, you do devote 100% of your time and effort towards that special someone, and you sometimes prevent yourself from becoming close with anyone else. It's a controversial subject, something I am learning about everyday.
Something else I miss is some of the ways I used to act. I used to be a much nicer person, more pleasant and happy. I've become more bitter towards things, love specifically. I've lost a lot of confidence in so many things, not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex but towards other things. I've lost confidence in myself when it comes to everyday things; I've lost confidence in myself when it comes to sports, school, making friends, etc. It's a bit odd I suppose.

But there are certain things in my life that I'm extremely happy with. One of these things is my relationship with my friends. I truly have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for; they know who they are :) They keep me up and going everyday, they are always there, they're just amazing in everything they do. They've taken the things I lost and replaced them with just as much love and support. I feel like I could accomplish anything if I had my friends there with my every step of the way.

I believe I should quit ranting and raving.