farewell class of 'o8.

I, on a regular basis, am not much of a "crier." Shedding tears, like other teenage girls, is not a routine habit of mine; I simply go running instead. So today when a girl started crying at an open house, I didn't even blink. I didn't go for a run either, but graduation just didn't cause a ruckus with my emotions quite like it did other people. Perhaps it's because I'm so eager and willing to get out of this town that I don't think twice about leaving some behind. I don't plan on leaving everyone, I've just learned who is worth keeping around, and who isn't.

With that being said, I do feel an obligation to talk about my past twelve years of schooling, what it has taught me, and the people who have weaved their friendships, hostilities, and memories in and out of my path to college.

I remember different things about my youthful years, though I still consider my youthful years to be now, I'm talking about those preschool/kindergarten days. The half days where you didn't eat lunch unless your mother worked and couldn't get out to pick you up from school, the days when riding Dial-A-Ride was the "hip" thing to do. Those days where you wore those ridiculous bows in your hair that perfectly matched the crazy printed turtleneck your mother had "helped" you pick out that morning for school, along with the shoes and ruffled socks that matched. I remember when we sat on samples of carpets during reading time, I remember when there was a reading time. I remember when there were two recesses every day, and it was only a half day. Learning colors, shapes, letters, numbers, counting to 67 was a big feat. As we grew up, we became more aware of ourselves, of our peers, of the world around us. We developed a sense of protection of our friends, our feelings; we learned to take responsibility of our actions and defend ourselves when accused wrongly. We stood in "cold lunch" and "hot lunch" lines and talked about the days of the week, used counting cubes, and had a number line that stretched around the ceiling of the entire room, reminding us of how many days we had been in school already and how many more we had left. Cursive writing was a milestone during first and second grade, along with they fad of muttering "Bloody Mary" fifteen times in the bathroom during a break and running out with our hands covering our eyes, fearing we might see the crazy ghost. There were days of storywriting and telling, copycats, and dear friends moving away. We acted in plays, participated in cantatas, and holiday programs.
Through middle school we got a taste of high school; switching classes with a bell schedule, multiple lunches, and more strict homework assignments and rules. We dealt with the awkward stage our lives, where no one was really "all that," though we acted otherwise. We tested friendships, teachers, and our parents to the full extent. Middle school sometimes taught us the wrong as well; our placement in the foodchain of cliques and social standings, the immature way to deal with situations, and the constant desire and need for attention. On a happier note, middle school also introduced us to the world of school athletics and the meaning of the word "team."
High school tested that defintion; it brought out the best of us, and the worst of us. High school opened our minds to the harsh reality that Mommy and Daddy can't defend you 24/7, that homework should not be procrastinated, and that school lunch was, is, and always will be the worst decision you could make. High school tested our confidence, trust, and loyalty towards one another. It also distinguished the "real" from the "fake," and concluded the final steps of the chapter of our life when we can fully, and for the last time, depend on someone else.

Now, we step forth into the unknown, creating paths of our own and doing it with guidance, though we are too arrogant to listen in many cases. We're stepping out of the box, closing the lid, and moving on to bigger and better destinations. We're seeking out the true meaning of life, the ups and downs of the rollercoaster we ride every day, the very reason we wake up in the morning. We will stumble, falter, and sometimes fail at our tasks, but this will not discourage us. We are the future and we pride ourselves in the expectations we must fulfill. College will test our discipline, our responsibility, our character, and our trust. It will bring out the best and the worst, just as high school, but to an extreme. Our errors won't go unnoticed, and our accomplishments will stand out more than ever.

In all honesty, somedays I do wish that I didn't graduate from Hillsdale High (calling it that reminds me of the 90's television shows ... it makes HHS sound almost human). I am thankful that I grew up in a safe and secure town with a school that opens its doors to outsiders but protects us from potential threats. Counter to that, safe is rare to come by nowadays and isn't always realistic. But this is typical at high schools across the nation: the dislike of the everday ritual that occurs repeatedly in one's life.
Other times, I'm proud and content with graduating with the kids in my class of 2008. Without them, I would not be who I am today; without them, I would never have learned and expanded my knowledge to the depths it has continuously been pushed. I've known my classmates since middle school.

As we go our separate ways, there will be a void, though I don't want to admit it. I will miss the catty gossip and the lunchtime havoc.




I seem to have lost my train of thought. Perhaps I'll finish another time, though hopefully in a more focused manner. I tend to run myself off topic. My writing reflects my thought process, random, and easily distracting.

:) :

[smiles to...]

• artesian wells bbq wings.
• the constantly rising temperature.
• card game nights.
• seniors only bonfires.
• being sober.
• windows down, music blaring.
• sleeping innnnn.
• the start of summer.
• GRADUATION!!
• magazines.
• tank tops.
• beach reads.

[frowns to...]

• soco spiked drinks in gatorade bottles.
• busch light being shoved in your face.
• early curfews.
• bad poker hands.
• "just" friends.
• effing lumen.
• open house overloads.
• late nights, early mornings.

L is for the way you look at me..

Love can make you do crazy things. I've heard that before, never really believed it. I'm not going to share some type of experience that I've had with it, or preach about it. Rather, I will be here thinking out log, on my blog, over the internet ... pathetic? I think not. Okay, that was a lie.

But really.
I am a person very adament and "say no" about love. I believe that I owe much of this to my past disfuntional relationships. And honestly, though I don't want to admit it, my parents haven't exactly set the example for love either. I also think that I've been a bit pessismistic in the love department strictly because I hear the statistics, and I overanalyze something to be overly unrealistic. Does that even remotely make sense? Didn't think so.
Like I said, thinking out loud.

One thing.
It's not that I don't believe in love, at all. I believe very strongly in love and the capabilities love has and what it can bring you. But what I don't comprehend is love's strength and lifetime. I don't understand how one can possibly promise to feel the same way about someone, forever. An eternity is a long time, as it so obviously portrays in the Bible. I myself, have been in love once I would say. I don't think I would consider my first relationship as love, more of a misrepresentation of love. My second relationship I would consider to be love. I honestly would've died for that person if it meant they would live.
But things change, people change, life changes. Another reason I don't understand how love works. If a person is constantly changing, how can you continue to love them?

I read books, watch movies, listen to songs, all that contain the world, "love," or have the subject of love. These media toss it around as if it is so achievable, so within reach, so common, when in fact, love is one of the most difficult things to come by.

I like being in love. I miss being in love. I want to be in love, again. But after that, then what? Marriage? And after marriage, a baby? And then ... a divorce? Our society seems to think so these days. Another reason I don't really like love/marriage. What if my husband decides he wants a divorce? If I love him, I should know him in and out, so would not this mean I know he wouldn't divorce me? How about all those people that have proved that theory wrong in dozens of ways?

I'll admit, I look at love with my nose turned up, I don't trust love.

Hopefully, someday, it will change.

Dolly, take a hike.

Before this beautiful thing called graduation ... okay in four days ... I was in Research paper. Though I must admit I hated every second of that class, I learned a lot about writing papers and learned quite a bit from other people's papers in the class.
One of the topics chosen by my fellow classmate, Dalton, was cloning; he proceeded to explain the history, explanation, and opinion of cloning. To be completely honest, I had never thought much about cloning before; it didn't really concern me and I wasn't worried about it catching up to my lifetime.

Boy, was I wrong.

He said that scientists plan on human cloning within two years ... I will be at the end of my sophomore year in college and there could be TWO of me walking around this planet. There's one scientist that plans on cloning 200,000 human clones a year ... in two years. That is a ridiculous amount. If I remember correctly, China has enforced some sort of rule on how many children they are permitted to have because of overpopulation. Now how can we argue that human cloning is not going to overpopulate this already people- and toxin-polluted world?
He made some great points such as cloning would benefit those who have uncurable diseases to specific body parts, where they could reproduce an identical body part to be regrown at an accelerated rate and then transplanted into the body of the person in need. This arguement, I can agree with. It's basically stem cell reproduction. But why do we need two of every person on this planet? I don't believe that is necessary at all. Scientists are so excited to begin human cloning, but why, because it's a technological milestone for knowledge and the history of science? That may be great but if put into the wrong hands, for example, Hitler, we would all be doomed. A mass army of replicas of ourselves? How would it feel to kill yourself, er ... wait, your clone?

Another point Dalton argued was that if a stillborn birth occurred, the parents would have the option of creating a living, human clone of the deceased child. Correct me if I'm wrong, but would that be playing God, creating an exact, identical human replica of one's self because the other died? It's creating life, something God did, something only God has the power of doing.

One thing I do agree with is the cloning of a woman's womb so that a premature baby can be reinserted into the womb and nurtured until it is ready to be birthed ... again.

It's wrong; it's morally irresponsible, opens up too many windows and doors for diaster, and though it may be a huge step for science, it's one that can be tainted and toyed with for the wrong reasons.
Human cloning is a no no. So let's just leave it to Dolly and the cows, we'll stick to reproductions of our pets for now.

Just say no to peer pressure.

My motto when it comes to teenage dating:

Just say no to peer pressure.

In my opinion, your teenage years are meant to be fun and carefree. You are supposed to discover yourself and make mistakes, learn from them, move on, just have a grand ol' time. I am a bit of a hypocrite for stating my opinion on this matter on account I had a boyfriend from 8th until most of my 12th grade year with a few breaks inbetween. Though those periods were short lived, I learned a lot about myself. I became a whole different person when I was without a significant other.

High school is the time to be yourself, have a good time, really figure out who you are before you leave for college and start a new chapter where you have to know your limits everyday. Some people are set on relationships, I've learned I'm capable without.

Friendship. A life lesson.

Friendship is something that I value in my life. I would consider myself to be a good friend, for the most part. Of course there are parts that I struggle in and could use some work, but I would say that for the most part, I'm a good friend. There are several characteristics that I would say can truly make or break a friend. A good friend is a good listener, someone you can count on, someone who will stick up for you. A good friend is honest, trustworthy, and reliable. They're someone who picks you up when you're down and brings out the best in you. A good friend knows what to do in those sticky situations and supports you.
It's difficult to come by a good friend in these parts of town to be quite honest. I've only a select few and it's often difficult to overcome our schedules to make as much time as we should for each other. But I feel that we hang out enough to meet the traits listed above.
This is one of the reasons I am particularly stoked about college. I've always heard that the friends you meet in high school are typically not the ones you remain friends with for the rest of your life. Though I wouldn't complain if I remained friends with several of these people, I don't think it's very realistic.
Being a friend requires devoting time to someone else's life to help them in whatever troubles come their way. I'm willing to do that, to put that time in, to care. But I have also learned that there are many who are not willing to do that. High school has taught me many things, and one thing is who my true friends are, and who aren't.

a fine line

I'm not gonna lie, I like a man that's confident. : ) How a guy carries himself can reveal a lot about him and how he might treat me. I am a girl, I overanalyze things on a daily basis and tend to judge quickly and be impatient, it's in my genetic make up. Getting back on subject here, confidence reveals character about a guy. It shows that they can handle themselves in situations and that they feel good about themselves. I like a guy that stands out in the crowd and does so without being a jerk, a guy who is comfortable in his own shoes and being himself in front of anyone and everyone.
But,
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Cocky guys are a no no. Confidence is sort of like cockiness, but with class. Arrogance is just plain stupid. Arrogant guys are simply striving for attention and are a bit shallow in my opinion. They are annoying and inconsiderate, not to mention self centered. Perhaps I'm hitting a bit below the belt on this one but I would say I'm speaking for the majority of the ladies out there :P
The reason this is all coming out is we played a boys soccer team today, a U-14 club boys soccer team, I believe. Though they beat us, and they were, for the most part, taller than us, each boy definately had a bigger head than our entire team (note: we combined jv and varsity) put together. Their sweeper sat in the back and talked about how he could dribble the ball up the entire field past every single one of our players, take a shot, and score. I wanted to deck him. The odds were probably in his favor but still, did he honestly find it necessary to say it out loud? Not only that but you would also think that he would realize that he would be attending high school this upcoming year, meaning that the underclassmen he just played with saw that he was a cocky _____ and as you know, girls can't keep secrets.
I suppose I just don't understand why boys think girls find cocky attractive. I've already admitted confident is an excellent find, but over the top confidence is a major turn off. I like a guy to be smoooooth, not a jackass.

stumbling is not a good thing.

For some ridiculous reason, I thought taking Research paper at my school would be just an oh-so fabulous way to top off the end of my senior year. So not only am I in the midst of writing and researching a 10-page paper, but I'm getting things around for pageants, prom, open houses, graduation, and the remaining time I try to dedicate to my social life, which hasn't dwindled just quite yet, thank God.
So as I am devoting my life to this stupid paper, I have come across several depressing points. I thought that perhaps by writing about my topic, it would open my mind up to the minds of these girls who are obviously struggling with their eating habits; yes, my topic is eating disorders, but not just eating disorders. The generalized form of my thesis is how the fashion industry has greatly influenced and encouraged the acception of eating disorders in society today. I knew the subject would be a bit depressing, but not this depressing. I was looking up videos as a source the other day and found several on youtube as a series about an eating disorder clinic featuring four women who agreed to be followed around with cameras. I became instantly engrossed in their daily struggle to consume food and I found myself dreading the end of the series, though I was actually stopped abruptly, due to classes changing. I wanted to know how these women thought and used their minds to believe that they were overweight when they were actually dreadfully underweight. The startling facts I've found have worried me and have caused me to be much more cautious to what I say about people or what other people say.
It is still difficult for me to understand and comprehend anything going through these women's minds, but I still hope all works out and they overcome their struggle with food.

pageant girls ... and a few smiles, frowns, & randoms :)

Out of curiosity, I decided to participate in a pageant that Mr. Kilgore gave me information for when I won football Homecoming Queen. I was sure it was going to be like any other pageant I had ever heard about: drama-filled, catty, prissy, and money. I knew I was to stay with a girl in my room and I automatically assumed the worst, a spoiled rotten, prissy pantsed, material girl. Little did I know that these girls would create one of the best weekends for me during the wind up of this stressful part of the year. First of all, my roommate was stellar amazing. She was so much fun to be around; crazy, sarcastic, loud, and a lot like me. So we got along grrrrreat! :DD Then the rest of the girls were about the same; they didn't party, they didn't do stupid stuff ... so to say ... they play sports, they want to go to good schools and make something of themselves, they're all just so amazing. It was nice to just get away from town and meet girls from all over the state who shared the same interests as you. Though I won nothing, I had a blast and learned that there are other people out there, even from small towns, just like me :)
and Congrats to the Top Ten and the Queeeeeeeeen Robin! :DD

besides that ...
here's the smiles, frowns, and randoms for the dayyyyy :)

[smiles to...]

• beaaaaautiful weather.
• the beautiful homecoming queens of Michigan :)
• hungry howie's three cheese bread.
• text messages .
• good friends :)
• prommmmm this weekend :DD
• limos & long gowns.
• justo lamos ... or whatever his name is :P hahaha.
• summer being a month awayyyy.
• bbq chicken wings @@ my grad party ... of which anyone is invited to ... my house on the 17th :)
• poofy dress @ the pageant :P
• good books.
• wiping a few girls out.
• skipping 3rd hour to get ice cream.

[frowns to...]

• not putting a penalty kick in the net.
• not putting anything in the net.
• high hells ... heels, my bad.
• losing.
• second hour.
• gas station robberies across the street from the hotel ... with gunshots.
• potter.
• losing.
• justo lamos ... hahah.

[randoms]

• i miss tennis.
• white- to black- to white- tipped fingernails
• i'm currently obsessed with rings.
• i won't wear heels for a long tiiiiime.
• i'm ready for summer.

smiles//frowns

I don't have much to blog about. My suggestions ranged from the level of awesomeness of Tyler, my pagaent, soccer, Michigan, and prom. So I nixed every single one of those ideas and went with my own...


[smiles to...]

• shut out soccer games ... when we win.
• sunny, cloudless days.
• dresses & wedges.
• painted fingernails.
• smoothies.
• jammin' to the music with your windows rolled downnnn.
• amazing soccer team dinners.
• ice baths at the lake with allie, andi, and lauren ... & a boat load of boys. : )
• big sunglasses. ♥♥
• easy days in third hour.
• getting a limo to promm.
• the weekends. :D
• going out.
• spring salads from the hunt club. :D
• motorcycles.
• less than a month left of school!

[frowns to...]

• shut out soccer games ... where we lose. :(
• research paper.
• spanish quizzes on commands and ust. and usts. and whatever else there is.
• getting ditched.
• soccer tanlines.
• getting sandwiched in soccer.
• low money supply.
• cancelling of practices.
• red-headed/eye-lashed, bags-of-douche soccer coaches.
• the hillsdale college library and its unresourcefullness & snobby students.
• summer not coming soon enough!