I often don't understand, nor can I fathom, just what my exact purpose is on this earth. I know that I was placed here for a very important reason, that I am meant to be here. After all, I'm no wasted space, no intricate arrangement of molecules that just happened to form. I have purpose, meaning, significance. and I can't wait to figure out just what that purpose is.

It just saddens me the wait that occurs until that time comes. I worry that maybe I won't fully understand when it does come. I worry that I won't know exactly when I realize that this is why I am meant to be here, why I am who I am, the very point of my existence.

It is so sad to look at our earthly bodies and see how each and every day, they decay more and more. That at the end of this race, it is my body that will finally give out, that it will fail me. Something that I have dwelled in for so long, something that I have relied upon, counted on, taken care of. To know that it will one day not live up to my expectations and standards is beyond heartwrenching.

What is promising, though, is knowing that it isn't my soul that dies along with my body. My soul is what matters, my soul is personality, by actual state of being; it is not my dwelling, my home, my shelter, it is what makes me, well, me. My body is no more distinguishable from any other body out there. I look as everyone else, maybe a bit thinner, maybe bigger, maybe taller, maybe shoeter, but essentially, there is no thing that can differentiate between any other miserable formation of cells, any other pile of bones, any other inches and inches of flesh.

Fortunately, my God knows me and CAN distinguish me from all the rest. He has created his own and individual child within my soul, and he has every intention of returning me to Him. I may not be dwelling with Him right now, but He is dwelling in me, and in His dwelling in me, l am my own identity. I don't need clothing or a work out plan, or a diet to tell the difference from the rest. In His eyes, I am my own, I am independent, I am me.

It does make me sad to know that at some point, I will no longer be able to count upon my actual self, that my dependence will shift, but I know that through this shift, something much more beautiful will happen than I could ever imagine.