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-Becoming Jane
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I am slow in everything I do. I am a perfectionist in everything I do. I haven't an idea who I inherited that from but it's in my genes, blood, saliva, everything. Occasionally, this gets me into trouble. For example, when I am writing a paper, I edit it until I have written three new papers before the first draft is even . . . accumulated.
Another instance where my perfection-ism gets me into some deep trouble is when I obtain a significant other . . . aka: a boyfriend. You see, I am not one to fall hard quickly. I never have been. I am also one who does not forget things. I remember the most ridiculous things such as what someone was wearing when they said something important. Now answer me this, how can I remember that but I cannot remember the strong/weak acid/base list for gen chem?
Anyways . . .
The first relationship I was in does not exactly count as much of anything except for a massively huge learning experience that taught me a lot. My second relationship was truly something. He told me he loved me four months into the "official" relationship. We began hanging out in October, dating in January, and the "L" word was dropped by him in April. I, however, didn't mutter those three little words until September, nine months in for those of you who cannot count or don't know your months.
I suppose I am just one of those people who is patient with those things. I want to be 100% sure of what I am doing, sacrificing, willing to put in, and to make sure that the other person is in for it too. That would be my reasoning for taking so long. Those things are something that are not meant for tossing around. A great song lyric is by Snow Patrol in "Chasing Cars" . . .
"those three words / are said too much / or not enough." Not with me though. If I say something, I want to mean it. I won't apologize for something if I am not sorry; I won't tell someone they look nice if they don't . . . this does not mean I tell them they look bad, it just means I mention that they could do better. Or something tactful and along those lines : )
There is nothing wrong with patience. Psalm 40:1 talks of patience as does Isaiah 40:31 and I honestly feel like I have been extremely patient. I mean, I could go into detail but it just . . . there are things that do not need to be brought up or explained. It's like a little note from God dropping down to say, "Hey, there was a reason for all of that. Here it is . . . now enjoy."
Love is not meant to be rushed by any means though. I simply enjoy taking my time in everything I do and making sure I do it right. I would never want to lead myself or someone else into thinking something when that is not what I am feeling. I have done that before . . . not good.
I apologize for the unorganization of this blog entry . . .
My thoughts are a bit jumbled. So I am writing it just how it is in my head.
Whatever. I am not worried about it. If things are supposed to, it happens. I am pretty confident in this one though : )
God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.
thanks PK : )
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to see you when i wake up
is a gift that i didn't think could be real.
to know that you feel the same as i do
is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
you do something to me that i can't explain.
so would i be out of line if i said "i miss you?"
i see your picture.
i smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine.
you have only been gone ten days,
but already i'm wasting away.
i know i'll see you again
whether far or soon.
but i need you to know that i care,
and i miss you.
[i miss you - incubus]
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