maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things- making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it, and that's all we can ask for.
Some people show off their beauty because they want the world to see it. Others hide their beauty because they want the world to see something else.
...that despite everything he's suffered he can still look at life in the most uncomplicated way. I've never known that kind of faith. It makes me so sad that people like them who have lost everything can still be open to love... while I, who has lost nothing, am not.
You know what I like most about the stars? You look at them, at all of them up there . . .and you just know there's gotta be something more than life. I'm not scared of dyin' really. It's more that I'm afraid of time. And not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I'm supposed to be, to find my place in the world before I have to leave. I'm afraid of what I'll miss.
Sometimes it's easier to be mad at the people you trust because you know they'll always love you, no matter what.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
el oh, el oh, el oh, el oh vee eeeeeee.
I am an apprehensive and cautious person. Yes, this can be a fantastic thing sometimes, other times, not so much. I would argue that there is nothing wrong with being sensible over emotions. This would be another area I am extremely hesitant towards. I don't exactly wear my heart on my sleeve ... one may argue, occasionally, that my ribcage is in fact, hollow and contains no organs except for lungs. Ouch. But has been proven to be true in certain and necessary circumstances.
Due to this natural guard I have placed up, I don't exactly make it easy to really "let people in" or express emotion in the correct context ... rather, in a context that can be placed into words for other people to understand.
My aunt recently recommended that I read this book to maybe learn how to communicate in a way that other people can understand, and so that I can understand other people. Yes, this is written for married couples, and I am definitely not married, but I feel this can be applied on way more levels than just marriage, though this would definitely be the most important level : ) A perfect example of this very phenomena is with my young cousin. I am by no means a touchy-feely person either. I have a bubble. And it's a large bubble. I don't like hugs. I don't like public displays of affection. I don't like to be touched at all, really. Olivia is a perfect example of not being like this at all. Rather, she craves it. For me, it is difficult for me to understand that this is how she expresses she cares or loves someone. She finds it difficult to understand that I do NOT use this method to convey my love to someone.
In this book, the author, a family/marriage counselor, has discovered throughout his career that most people express their love in five different ways
1) Words of affirmation
2) Quality time
3) Receiving gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical touch
Now that this has been brought up, I can look at members of my family, my friends, and even myself and deduce which category I would fall into, or those other people. It was interesting to read this book and apply it to not only my life but be able to apply it to others' life as well.
As previously stated before, I do not crave physical touch whatsoever, so that is eliminated 100%. I am not exactly capable of receiving a compliment so words of affirmation can get the boot. This also applies for gifts, I would much rather give them and I do not like getting them. And though I like it when people do stuff for me, I am far too independent to want that. So naturally, using the elimination method as quite simple. A much simpler method is to simply look at relationships I have with people and decided what really ticks me off and what really makes me happy.
I feel most let down by friends or family when a plan or idea falls through. I feel as if I have been led on to believe one thing is happening when it never does. Unfortunately, though i'm not good at receiving gifts or compliments, I am great at picking out friends who seem to do this more often than none and this has essentially, led to the downfall of our friendship. Bailing on a scheduled plan, outing, date, anything, is more of a stab to me than telling me I don't look nice, not giving me a hug, not giving me a gift, or mowing my lawn. I feel as though that person does not feel I am important enough to carry out the plan, or to even bother telling me that they can't make it. There are certain times that I understand come up and it is no longer optional to commit to something. But at the same time, it isn't that difficult to tell me why (this would be a second pet peeve = own upppppp).
Something that i do need to work on that deals directly with this issue is holding grudges. I will always remember that one time you didn't show up, or the time you promised but backed out, and it is very difficult for me to move on from that. Yes, I may forgive you, but it's that last part, the forget, that I can't seem to apply.
This is a weakness on my part. It isn't right that I hold that over someone's head for a mistake made once. How many chances am I handed daily for the sins I commit, but I can't forgive and forget one or two times someone hurt my feelings, as I hurt God's every day with some of the choices I make?
Back to the book, I would recommend it to anyone who is a bit lost when dealing with emotions and other people's emotions as well. Now if only I could find a book that taught me how to make a teleporter, I would have all of the answers to life : )
Due to this natural guard I have placed up, I don't exactly make it easy to really "let people in" or express emotion in the correct context ... rather, in a context that can be placed into words for other people to understand.
My aunt recently recommended that I read this book to maybe learn how to communicate in a way that other people can understand, and so that I can understand other people. Yes, this is written for married couples, and I am definitely not married, but I feel this can be applied on way more levels than just marriage, though this would definitely be the most important level : ) A perfect example of this very phenomena is with my young cousin. I am by no means a touchy-feely person either. I have a bubble. And it's a large bubble. I don't like hugs. I don't like public displays of affection. I don't like to be touched at all, really. Olivia is a perfect example of not being like this at all. Rather, she craves it. For me, it is difficult for me to understand that this is how she expresses she cares or loves someone. She finds it difficult to understand that I do NOT use this method to convey my love to someone.
In this book, the author, a family/marriage counselor, has discovered throughout his career that most people express their love in five different ways
1) Words of affirmation
2) Quality time
3) Receiving gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical touch
Now that this has been brought up, I can look at members of my family, my friends, and even myself and deduce which category I would fall into, or those other people. It was interesting to read this book and apply it to not only my life but be able to apply it to others' life as well.
As previously stated before, I do not crave physical touch whatsoever, so that is eliminated 100%. I am not exactly capable of receiving a compliment so words of affirmation can get the boot. This also applies for gifts, I would much rather give them and I do not like getting them. And though I like it when people do stuff for me, I am far too independent to want that. So naturally, using the elimination method as quite simple. A much simpler method is to simply look at relationships I have with people and decided what really ticks me off and what really makes me happy.
I feel most let down by friends or family when a plan or idea falls through. I feel as if I have been led on to believe one thing is happening when it never does. Unfortunately, though i'm not good at receiving gifts or compliments, I am great at picking out friends who seem to do this more often than none and this has essentially, led to the downfall of our friendship. Bailing on a scheduled plan, outing, date, anything, is more of a stab to me than telling me I don't look nice, not giving me a hug, not giving me a gift, or mowing my lawn. I feel as though that person does not feel I am important enough to carry out the plan, or to even bother telling me that they can't make it. There are certain times that I understand come up and it is no longer optional to commit to something. But at the same time, it isn't that difficult to tell me why (this would be a second pet peeve = own upppppp).
Something that i do need to work on that deals directly with this issue is holding grudges. I will always remember that one time you didn't show up, or the time you promised but backed out, and it is very difficult for me to move on from that. Yes, I may forgive you, but it's that last part, the forget, that I can't seem to apply.
This is a weakness on my part. It isn't right that I hold that over someone's head for a mistake made once. How many chances am I handed daily for the sins I commit, but I can't forgive and forget one or two times someone hurt my feelings, as I hurt God's every day with some of the choices I make?
Back to the book, I would recommend it to anyone who is a bit lost when dealing with emotions and other people's emotions as well. Now if only I could find a book that taught me how to make a teleporter, I would have all of the answers to life : )
Monday, August 30, 2010
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
?Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin?s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life?s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
?Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
?Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin?s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life?s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
?Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand
|
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Ho paura...
Fear.
It is a word far too common, especially within the human mind. We are hardwired to fear certain objects, emotions, places, thoughts, the unknown. Fear, a noun, should be its own genre of emotion for it's almost too emotional to be an emotion. This sensation is such a passionate feeling with abilities far beyond any other emotion, other than love. Fear can be the drive in one, the break in another; it can alter a life, or four. Fear can consume anyone. Fear, itself, has no fear.
As a child, fear is incorporated into many everyday tasks. As early as birth, this feeling is the unknown and of the unknown. A new person can instill fear, or loneliness, or even love. And as we grow older, we become more conscious of fears as our world expands beyond our wildest dreams.
At this age, I have different fears than when I was younger. The dark is no longer a dreaded part of the evening, but actually necessary when I wish to sleep. Crossing the street is the least of my worries, and I openly welcome horror films, only if someone else is there to watch it with me and distract me afterwards with food or something. I know from witnessing family members, friends, and just hearing stories that as we get older, it does not get easier. I hear that fear extends to the most inner depths of our hearts and sometimes hides our hearts. I hear that fear is something that can conquer and consume you, make you then break you. I also hear that fear can have the opposite effect- fear can feed the flame to a fire that will never stop burning.
I have fears, many fears. I fear things that everyone knows, some know, or no one knows. We all have fear.
But we should all take comfort in the knowing that what needs to be provided will be provided for. That we should have no fear for the Lord, our Savior, is with us always. We should trust this, always.
Trust, that is something I fear, along with a dozen other things, and then some.
Some of those dozen are ashamed fears. But Someone knows them, and that Someone has the power to change them in ways that will only aid in conquering and overcoming whatever else presents itself.
I can’t help but be mesmerized by fear. How is it that this one feeling can drive so many emotions, actions, lives? And what is the proper go-abouts to conquering such a consuming emotion? What about the fears that I don’t understand, that have no source, no reason, no traceable function- can those fears be overcome?
I believe one must spend time in fear, just as one spends time with many other emotions. In doing this, we can learn more about ourselves and possibly just how to outsmart this “fear.” For we all know the victorious feeling of overcoming a fear.
It is a word far too common, especially within the human mind. We are hardwired to fear certain objects, emotions, places, thoughts, the unknown. Fear, a noun, should be its own genre of emotion for it's almost too emotional to be an emotion. This sensation is such a passionate feeling with abilities far beyond any other emotion, other than love. Fear can be the drive in one, the break in another; it can alter a life, or four. Fear can consume anyone. Fear, itself, has no fear.
As a child, fear is incorporated into many everyday tasks. As early as birth, this feeling is the unknown and of the unknown. A new person can instill fear, or loneliness, or even love. And as we grow older, we become more conscious of fears as our world expands beyond our wildest dreams.
At this age, I have different fears than when I was younger. The dark is no longer a dreaded part of the evening, but actually necessary when I wish to sleep. Crossing the street is the least of my worries, and I openly welcome horror films, only if someone else is there to watch it with me and distract me afterwards with food or something. I know from witnessing family members, friends, and just hearing stories that as we get older, it does not get easier. I hear that fear extends to the most inner depths of our hearts and sometimes hides our hearts. I hear that fear is something that can conquer and consume you, make you then break you. I also hear that fear can have the opposite effect- fear can feed the flame to a fire that will never stop burning.
I have fears, many fears. I fear things that everyone knows, some know, or no one knows. We all have fear.
But we should all take comfort in the knowing that what needs to be provided will be provided for. That we should have no fear for the Lord, our Savior, is with us always. We should trust this, always.
Trust, that is something I fear, along with a dozen other things, and then some.
Some of those dozen are ashamed fears. But Someone knows them, and that Someone has the power to change them in ways that will only aid in conquering and overcoming whatever else presents itself.
I can’t help but be mesmerized by fear. How is it that this one feeling can drive so many emotions, actions, lives? And what is the proper go-abouts to conquering such a consuming emotion? What about the fears that I don’t understand, that have no source, no reason, no traceable function- can those fears be overcome?
I believe one must spend time in fear, just as one spends time with many other emotions. In doing this, we can learn more about ourselves and possibly just how to outsmart this “fear.” For we all know the victorious feeling of overcoming a fear.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I miss my life . . . and a list of thoughts.
It really is difficult going back and forth between ann arbor and home. When I am up there, I truly miss my family back home.
but when I am back home, I miss ann arbor like crazy.
I miss the routine and stability that I have, where I am firm in where I stand with things and involvement. I am ready to have that back. One thing I really miss: church...
friends have become family, and they're my family away from my family.
I'm ready to go back...
one other thing...
going along with that,
I really miss God
and I deeply regret
the back burner
I have given Him this summer...
thoughts...
I want my boyfriend...
I feel like the best cure to this exact moment would be a good long run, which isn't happening (it's 3 am...)
I just lost every single train of thought...
but when I am back home, I miss ann arbor like crazy.
I miss the routine and stability that I have, where I am firm in where I stand with things and involvement. I am ready to have that back. One thing I really miss: church...
friends have become family, and they're my family away from my family.
I'm ready to go back...
one other thing...
going along with that,
I really miss God
and I deeply regret
the back burner
I have given Him this summer...
thoughts...
I want my boyfriend...
I feel like the best cure to this exact moment would be a good long run, which isn't happening (it's 3 am...)
I just lost every single train of thought...
Sunday, July 11, 2010
life goal/fantasy/dream
I want to BE Lauren Conrad.
right neeeeeeeow.
(not happening, unfortunately...)
right neeeeeeeow.
(not happening, unfortunately...)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
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